Sometimes my mind plays on a continuous loop through my life. Especially when I'm doing mundane tasks like mowing the acres and acres of grass that comprises our yard. Yesterday, I volunteered to cut the grass so Archie could spend some relaxing time with the babies. Back and forth, back and forth...my mind wandered back to a time when I would sit on our front porch swing and watch my Daddy cut grass. Maybe with Fathers Day being this weekend, I realized once again how much I miss him. I replayed the day when my phone rang and a 911 dispatcher told me that she had my Mom on the other line and that I needed to go to her house. I called a neighbor to stay with Silas and went over. "Daddy's dead." WHAT? "He's gone Lisa." DOES HE NEED (I blew puffs of air through my lips) MOUTH TO MOUTH OR CPR? Through tears, "No, he's blue." My life crumbled that day.
I also have the happier times on loop too; the life-changing moments. All of my children's births, in great detail. The night that I met Archie. The day we got married. I can re-call exact words that were exchanged, precise moments.
It's tough to play through that sad time, but also wonderful to have the beautiful moments as well.