BOY v GIRL

I’ve been a Mom to boys for 8 years now. And although it seems like we’ve always had Amelia with us, she’s actually only been around for about 17 months. Let me tell you…when folks say that there is a vast difference between boys and girls; they aren’t kidding! Let’s take a closer look.

Nutrition:

BOYS- Go at their plates like hogs to a trough. Grunts and snorts can be heard as they slop food all over themselves and the table. Ketchup stains and sticky syrup encrusts their body from the tips of their hair down to their toes. Look at forks and other utensils as foreign objects to be used as sparing devices and instruments of torture. Sling uneaten food and plates to the wayside and growl for desert.
GIRLS- Daintily eat like they are visitors at the Queen’s tea party. Carefully select small morsels to fit in their mouths. Properly use both fork and spoon as delivery devices for abundant flavors from plate to mouth. Lift up a nearly-immaculately clean plate and utensil with a “thank you” and “all done.”

Transportation:

BOYS- Stampede through the house at top speeds; never worried about sleeping babies or reading mothers. Stomp and jump from location to location; jousting and stabbing with imaginary swords. Run when told to walk…walk when told to rush.
GIRLS- Skip, sway and dance. Tiptoe softly through dainty flower patches. Twirl to a tune only in their minds. Waving and greeting like a beauty queen on a parade float.

Communication:

BOYS- Get through the first years of their lives relying on a mother’s intuition to meet their needs. Later talking a mile a minute; asking silly unrealistic questions and expecting knowledgeable answers on every subject from space travel to animal excrement identification. Uses physical gestures to display excitement, frustration and even love.
GIRLS- Learn words quickly to communicate needs/ desires. Repeats said words until they are fully understood. Displays physical cues to express love; lots of hugs and kisses. Learns at an early age how to use feminine wiles to coerce the male persuasion; especially Daddies.

Attire:

BOYS- Grab the first comfortable shirt and shorts available; even if they are worn more often than Grandma’s dentures and dirty. NEVER matching! Underwear = optional. Socks and shoes = optional. Must adorn themselves with toy hammers, makeshift pirate eye patches and bandit-style bandanas. Comb? NAH! Toothbrush? NOPE! Kid’s Mouthwash? SURE! Drain whole bottle. Random cars and trucks tucked in pockets for later use. Nerf gun ready and loaded.
GIRLS- Coordinated skirts, shirts and dresses. Matching shoes. Fashionista scarf, bracelet and sunglasses a must have! Tutus and tiaras optional for special occasions. Hair combed perfectly; teeth brushed twice daily. Fairy wands and pocketbooks ready for the day!

Mommies:

BOYS- First love; sworn to matrimonial harmony until they realize that there are other girls on earth. Palms bearing crushed flowers and “beautiful gemstone” driveway gravel. Dirty, smelly squeezes and kisses. Night-time cuddles and whispers of dreams, ideas and secrets. Hands held…hearts entwined.
GIRLS- She’ll do ‘til Daddy gets home.

Daddies:

BOYS- He’ll do until Momma gets home.
GIRLS- Wrapped around the pinky from her first breath. Turns big-burly men into hairstyle clients and nail polish connoisseurs. Kisses and giggles; dances and softness. First word, first laugh, first steps, first smiles. One and the same. Always together.

Oh, how I could go on and on, but I’ll bore you no more.